Refresh, Recharge, RESTART

"Why God, WHY do you do this to me, ABOVE ALL THINGS?!" Looking at my, once again flat tyre, and noticing that my other tyre in the boot had also been flat.. "Life sucks balls."
Has anyone found themselves, cursing to God or to the world, one too many times?
Yep I am for one guilty of that. Literally happened about 10 days ago.
I had cracked.

For about 9 weeks since the end of Australia Day, I vowed to stop drinking for 2 months (till April). I went on a new plan, strict counting calories for 9 weeks, WHILST training at the gym 6days a week. I was ready for it, if anything more determined and motivated then last year. I had a Personal Trainer - Jeff, training me 6 days a week, a training partner- Kate and also my mentor- Damien who was there to keep me in line and focused. I know when I put my heart and soul into something, nothing can stop me.

During this period, I was also working (no joke) everyday of the week. I was saving my money for Hawaii, I had old debts to pay, college to pay (which I was also attending 3 times a week), whilst teaching one night a week, going to vocal coach training every Wednesday, doing Nickelodeon shows every so often, attending one-off rehearsals PLUS working at Box HQ.
Funny thing is, I love being busy. Too much- sometimes i purposely kept myself busy and I think it was so I didn't have time to think of other dramas. Every human being has life dramas, some more than others and in the years I have learned to deal with them quite effectively.

First few weeks I was hyped! Kate and I had so much energy because we were excited of our goals, we wanted to work hard, train hard, look good and above all motivate each other with everything.
Slowly in those 9 weeks you could see such a wave of change. I've learned in these 9 weeks that we are not super human. We are HUMAN- I was so eager to do everything in 9 weeks that I was slowly starting to fade away and turn into a emotional mess. I mean who wouldn't? Doing a million things without resting is nearly impossible.

I remember one morning, I was overcoming the flu, I had taken some pre workout stuff, a cold and flu tablet and was at the gym training. Th next thing that happened, i started to completely shake from head to toe, couldn't breathe and I was lying on the ground in fetal position. My body wasn't coping with being sick, stressed and doing too much.
Though on a positive note, I still stuck to my diet, I was capable juggling everything, week 4 and 5 became easy.
Then life dramas happen. In reality, I think everyone has their days. You have your moment of self-doubt, you start questioning yourself of everything and then you get into a complete low mind-set. I was convinced that in the 9 weeks, where I had worked my butt off, I had been exactly where I had started.

It came to one weekend, the week before Hawaii. I had adjudicated for 2 whole weekends. Each day was 10 hour days- I made very good money, I was exhausted yet, extremely happy that I was judging such talented kids in dancing. These little moments gave me a high- pushed me further. I was even listening to a lot of Eric Thomas Motivational Videos. This guy knew his shit. He was homeless for two years and changed his life around and decided to become a public speaker. He said there were nights where he had no sleep, no money, hardly ate, but his goal was there in front of him.
His words is what kept me going to push through all the hardships I had been doing.

People always ask me about my up bringing and what life was like for me as a kid and I am openly honest about it. I hardly had a good up bringing. Life for me as a kid was horrible. Family addictions of gambling, lots of financial problems and still to this day dealing with that. Do I let that bring me down? Sometimes yes- when I have my moments. It is when I have these moments, I know deep down that, that's the moment I need to: REFRESH, RECHARGE and RESTART.

3 days before I leave for Hawaii, my car breaks down and my dad had another relapse. It was the perfect time to go away.

I encourage everyone to seriously, for a week, just disappear. Because we are all human, we need rest. We need time to actually sit back and look at our life and go: 'Ok what do I need to change?'
We become so involved in the world. Social media especially!!! I am shocking for it, because i live by it.

Before I left for Hawaii, my vocal coach told me to truly think what is important for you when you leave. My voice was having it's moments, some days were good- most days, my vocal cords were just sounding off and it all came down to a few simple things. Lifestyle, Rest, Work, Stress.

Being away, I actually SLEPT. Sounds like nothing major, but before in Sydney, I was lucky to have 4-5 hours sleep. In Hawaii, I was having 8-10 hours a day rest.
I was still keeping active, I was enjoying myself and I thought about my life and what I wanted to do. Naturally, I started to feel myself again for once. I didn't have to worry if my meals were prepped, if my bag was packed the night before, If I had studied, invoiced my last 3 jobs I did that week. I was in complete peace.
I believe that travelling does that for you. You find yourself so relaxed, your enjoying the people around you, the culture, the atmosphere, the night sky was beautiful and you could soak up everything around you, without taking life for granted.

Free yourself from the world, let yourself go!

Now I am going to get a little fiery. STOP MAKING EXCUSES TO TREAT YOURSELF. I literally only had $1500 when I went to Hawaii. Because I paid off my debt, college fees, bills and rent just before I left.
I am probably more broke now, but I am feeling like a different person. I don't care that I have to sort out my completely wrecked car that is about to die on me. SHIT HAPPENS, but I am still standing, I am alive and healthy and everything eventually works itself out.
I have about 3 assessments due, a lot of catching up to do at college YET I know I can manage.
I have too many amazing people in my life who are supportive and are there for me.
I am aware life at home is not good, but I have to stay strong and keep moving forward.

I would rather own little and see the world than see little of it.

Take this as a sign please- If your finding yourself:
 1.Having random outbursts to strangers.
2. Punching walls for no reason
3. Getting angry at the coffee shop man for forgetting to make your coffee warm and not COLD
4. Forgetting to wear undies
 5. Misplacing your keys then finding them in odd spots.
6. Wearing odd socks
7. Having road rage for small mistakes
8. Crying over silly things that you would never cry about.
9. Punching a sibbling
10. Look like you have big fat puffy panda eyes.
Please...
TAKE
A
FRIKEN
VACATION

Reward yourself
Refresh yourself
Recharge your body, fuel it up with whatever you need to do.
Come back, kick open the front door, give life the finger and literally
RESTART.

Love Tam xx

Untitled

In the past few weeks, through various incidents that have happened in the media and in mutual friends life, I have been questioning a particular topic, that a lot of people steer away from. That or people find these topics too touchy, personal and upsetting. I couldn't agree more with them. I even struggled to put a title to my blog as I didn't know how to word it. Since the sudden death of Charlotte Dawson, an Australian Icon, who struggled for so long with depression in her life, who yet was so successful and many people looked up to, hung herself on the 23rd February 2014.

With much sadness to mention this as well, my brothers friend recently tried to kill himself too. He jumped off an apartment building, broke his back, all his limbs, legs and feet,  is now in a wheelchair and will never walk again. When I met my brothers friend in the past before, I thought this kid was the sweetest person ever. He was one of the few friends I liked of my brother. To hear this, I can't help to think; Why? The worst part was, he portrayed himself as someone who was happy yet quiet but I just wouldn't expect it.
A few of my family members suffer from Depression. It is a common thing. 1 in 4 Australians will or have suffered from Depression and still have it. The scary thought is, how far the mind can go, when someone reaches that lowness in their life, where they just can't go on with life anymore.
Research says that every year in the world, 1 MILLION people commit suicide.

I have never spoken about this to anyone, to be honest I am still coming to terms to why this person did this. A few years ago, when I was working at a clothing store, I had a good friend who worked with me there named Josh. Josh was your class clown, loud, confident, full of energy and he was everybody's friend. He was also a church boy. He went to youth group every Friday night religiously. Josh had one best friend. His best friend was Timmy. Timmy was probably the most caring, nicest human being on the planet. Words cannot explain how nice he was. I think I am a nice person but Timmy was someone that would do anything for anyone. Including me. The first time I met Timmy was when he was visiting Josh at work and you would know when Timmy was coming to visit. This energy would just automatically lift as soon as he came in. He was the happiest kid ever and when I was having a shocking day at work, he would come in and I would instantly feel better. He was one of those people that would just know how to make your day amazing.
Timmy would always persist me to come to Youth Group.
Timmy: Your coming this Friday aren't you Tam?
Me: No I can't I have .. something on (always made an excuse.)
Timmy: You HAVE to come one day, promise me you will, you will thank me the day you do come.

I had always been raised as a Christian, but over the years when my mum and dad got divorced when I was 15, the church disowned us because of this, and throughout my years I slowly disconnected myself with God, stopped going to church, stopped believing.
I only realised this now, but when I was 18 till about 21years old, I was not a happy person. I was quite miserable and I couldn't connect the dots as to why.
One day at work, Timmy brought in this guy who was a pastor of a church in Melbourne, who was preaching at their Youth group on Friday. Timmy tried asking me again about going to Youth Group.
His friend Ben then stepped in."Why can't you go?"
I felt myself, wanting to lie but I couldn't and i just said: "I am scared."
Ben: If I get up on that stage tonight and I don't see your face in the crowd, I will not preach.
Well, you can imagine the pressure I felt after he said that. I felt like saying FY(U#()*U$O to you, mr gorgeous Ben man, who I couldn't say no to.
In the end, I rocked up, i had the best time, Timmy and Josh were both there and from that incident, I found myself believing in God again.
But that's not the story I am trying to tell. Since that day, Timmy, every now and then started to call me, very randomly. Asking me to come to youth again, wanted to hang out. I even would get the odd phone calls in the middle of the night and it was as if he wanted to talk for hours, or say something in particular and I couldn't figure out at the time what it was. I was certain he wasn't drunk. He was training to be a Pastor. He was 110% Christian, read the bible every night, loved God, type of person. He literally in my eyes, was an angel, there was not one bad thing about him.

I noticed one week, Josh wasn't at work, I must've thought he was at Youth Camp or something. The week after when he was finally at work, I asked him where he had been and he said he was at a funeral.
Me: Who's funeral?
Josh: Timmy's.
Me: What!? how? What happened?
Josh: You see, Timmy was very sick and he decided to take his life.

I just didn't understand, I was so shocked, i nearly fell over. That's when all the phone calls had started to piece together to me. I didn't even see the signs. How can someone that was so loving, so dedicated to God, who beamed so much positivity and happiness, just decides to give their life up?
It made me realise that some people might be the most happiest people on the planet, or they want you to believe that, maybe they even want to believe that themselves, but deep down, their depression takes them to the lowest point until they give up on themselves and give up on life.
This blog, I wanted to dedicate it, to Timmy and to everyone that has experienced something as horrific as that. Josh from then on continued to work somewhere else, moved areas and last I heard he was still working somewhere near the beach and doing Personal training.
I take my hat off to anyone who knows someone close that had that happen to them. You are such strong individuals. I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. I look up to my step dad who found his dad as a kid in the bathroom shower. He's someone who worked so hard in his life and is a successful person and has the best heart.
My point is, or what I am trying to get at is, a simple smile, a compliment, or a kind gesture can change someones life. It can make a bad day turn to good. I have been more weary now of what I say to people especially these days when you don't know what the individual is going through. This blog is just to make us more aware of how common suicides are in the world, even in Australia.

I will never forget Timmy, he changed me life, without him even knowing. I pray for him and his family everyday. I am always thinking of you and still see you in my dreams smiling. I know you are in a better place.

Tam xx

Choosing your passion over your priority

Like all my experiences in life, whether good or bad, there is always a hindering lesson learnt or a moment of reflection and realisation. The fact that this situation happened to me a few weeks ago, still makes me think that either people out there in the industry can be completely diluted OR they are simply just fruit loops.

I was going to meet a director for a role I was being considered in a play. It was a Tuesday night, I had just finished teaching my students. I quickly got ready in the car to then head to Newtown where I was meeting him.
I arrived at the venue of the theatre, (I was early) and by now it was about 9:15pm. I met him at 9:30pm where we waited for the other actors to come. In that time we were waiting for the other actors, I started getting a grasp of what type of person he was, or He/she was, for that matter. He was a cross-dresser. I have nothing against cross-dressers, but I believe by that he was already an interesting character. It felt like we had listened to him speak for a good hour about his life experience, his views on life and how a few years ago he had met Nelson Mandela. To this day I still don't know if this is true, but I will go back to that point in just a sec.
By 10:45pm, (YES ON A SCHOOL NIGHT) we had finally gone to a bar, to chat about the play, I was exhausted at this point, and I was starting to get a really weird vibe from the director and how he spoke only about him and who he's met, and who he knows in the industry and how HE has a name out there.. bla bla bla. At that point I didn't care. One thing that struck a cord to me, was that he said. "If you want to be an actor, then your priorities come second. The only reason you should ever miss a rehearsal, is if it's a funeral.. your funeral."
He kept asking me, how passionate am I as an actor. "What would you do to be an actor?" At that point I felt like saying, well I've come here to listen to you go on about gob smack all, but i smiled politely and said 'anything.'
...moment of thought
I said anything?
Would I really do anything for my passion? I began to question my answer.
I went home that night feeling so weird. I just met a director, whos a cross-dresser, who met Nelson Mandela, who talks a lot about himself, who thought I was brilliant, but also asked if I was really passionate about my career? I added him on Facebook to suss him out.

The next few days, we were all getting texts about rehearsal days and how they were compulsory due to the time limit we had and of course they all fell into night time, during when I mostly work. Before I signed up to doing the role, the director had mentioned rehearsals would be in the day, hence why I signed up.
I texted back saying the days I couldn't do and then all hell let loose.
Long story cut short, he abused me in messages and ALSO abused me on Facebook. Which brings me to my story of him being a fruit loop, highly unprofessional and I am almost certain he was a compulsive liar.

I was worried however, I started to doubt myself and my love to the industry as a dancer and as an actor. He claimed that I wasn't a true professional actor, that I didn't bend over backwards for my love for the arts and that I would never be working again in this industry. Thank God, I spoke to my acting teacher and he made me realise that people like him, who share the world everything he "claims" he does and puts people down on Facebook and talks about nothing other than himself are people who aren't all there. Still do I pick my priority over my passion? Luckily that day, I was speaking to a good friend on the phone and the advice he gave me was: "The best thing for you to do, is to survive." "Every famous actor, had to live and put food on the table and pay for rent." "When you are hungry for your passion you will do whatever it takes to make it, BUT you have to live as well."

I thought of all the times, I had sweated blood for my career, cried so many tears, gone and changed my look, missed work for an audition, paid so much money for courses, worked a million and one jobs for the love I have for what I do. DO i regret it at all? Absolutely NOT. I wouldn't be the person I am today If i didn't give it my all and failed 10 x to only become the better performer I am today.
I've encountered and met so many people that have pushed me to continue everything I do now.
I know that priority for me is important, but my priority IS my passion. I do everything now, for my passion.
I teach kids every Tuesday night- for my passion- to give them advice and help them with their love for dance.
I go to my singing lessons every Wednesday night- for my passion.
I work 3 jobs nearly 7 days a week- FOR my passion
I go to the gym and put myself through mega hard diets- FOR my passion
I am doing PT - for my passion

The list will go on. Back to my question of doing anything for my career. I would rather be the person who would work so hard for what I have always dreamed of having. I have never had everything handed to me on a plate, so I know when that big break does come, it'll be worth all the years of struggle and pain I have gone through- for that feeling of achieving something so great. Being a winner, a success and an inspiration.

To the director that has put me down on the net, at the end of the day, I don't want to reflect anything you have said about me, or the actions you have undergone to talking about someone in the abusive way you have done. I will be the bigger person and let it be as what it is, but for everyone else out there who has ever not felt right about a situation, or questioned an opportunity that has come along and it hadn't felt right, listen to that little voice in your head, chances are, you will know whether or not it is the right thing for you. Maybe not right now, but somewhere down the track an even GREATER opportunity will come for you. Just keep thinking of the big picture and don't stop chasing your dream. Happiness is more important and money can't buy happiness.

Tamxx

My 'WTF' moment that nearly bit me in the ass

For those who don't know me very well, If i was to count how many WTF moments I had last year, I could seriously write a book on it, with a title screaming: 'Tam's WTF moments of 2013' or 'WTF' Just Happened?'
My stories, or 'sticky situations' sometimes funny or rather random, has become a pattern that now everytime I go into my room mates room, and say: 'Holly... I have to tell you something.." She instantly gives me a look of, what did you do now Tam.. Or even when I say to her: "Holly, I think 'so and so', is going to be here tonight." She'll look at me and go, "that is highly unlikely that, THAT person would be at the SAME vicinity as you!" Lo and behold- that person is awkwardly at the same vicinity as me, of all places.
As of this year, 2014, I have already had my fair share of.. WHAT the 'F##$%^&(!&@$' just happened? moments. My beautiful friend Ash, has now started calling me every morning to ask for a 24 hour update on what has occurred in my life. Truth be told, I may just be attracting these situations, mind you, not all are bad, most of them are just funny and just completely unexpected, but as my mum has told me since I was young, "You just seem to always be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

The story I am going to tell you today, happened a few days ago. A story that has taught me SO much, that I am still shocked at how I behaved. If you never believed in karma, well maybe after this story YOU WILL.


Everyone knows that in a nutshell, I am a pretty nice person. It's one of my great strengths but also a lot of people take advantage on it. I've always believed if you do something nice for someone, or give back to the world, you will always be happy and life will always reward you. Everyone also knows that I am big on social media. Wow I admitted to that, which apparently I am slightly addicted to, but thats not the point. I post quotes, pictures, articles, blogs and my daily activity quite regularly in a day, as It's what I do and I know that, as a performer, I have something going on all the time and I want to share that with my followers. Simple as that.
I have rarely EVER written something negative on my status, or can recall the last time I posted a complaint or wrote something bad about someone. Though, I do post random situations I am in, or will post something rather funny as I think I am quite the comedian. (not really)
Last Friday, I posted a status about an encounter I had with someone in the lift, I won't quote word for word what I wrote, but it went a long the lines of: 'Stuck in lift, with a lesbian, who left a note a few years ago on my car window saying if I liked girls to call this number.' At the time, I thought It was just a joke, I had taken a simple situation that occured in my life and posted it for everyone to see. Not a big deal right? WRONG
The following week, I was going to Yoga and as I was about to get into the lift, the lady I had posted the status about, was in the lift going down, with a big muscley guy. You can imagine what happened next. Or what I thought was going to happen next. I am not going to pretend that I wasn't scared, but I was. I instantly felt guilt run through my body and I instantly knew something was about to bite me in the ass. Long story cut short, she found out what I had posted on FB, it all traced back to me, she was told that she should sue me for Defamation and also told me, she isn't a lesbian and that the guy she was with is her husband.
I am just going to give you a moment to just take this all in. As you can imagine HOW PATHETIC and BAD i felt... here you go....

I admitted to everything, I was honest and upfront, told her what I said and why I said it. The fact of the matter is: My intention was not to put someone down, but I did, that day. I made a joke publicly. I judged a book by its cover and the universe said: "Hey Tam, that was a bit out of character of you, no worries we are going to teach you a lesson." It truly did. I apologised PROFUSELY.
Can you see what the lesson was here? I see a few lessons:
1. Don't ever talk bad about someone on social media, OR EVER IN LIFE.
2. Don't judge a book by its cover
3. BE HONEST no matter if it is going to make you look bad, the fact that I told her the truth, probably made the situation better.
4. You know that quote you see where it says: "Be kind to everyone, For everyone is fighting a hard battle." (Enough said)
5. Your life doesn't have to always be shared to the world.

At the end of the day, I can't dwell on my mistakes, but I can learn from it, and move forward. A nice person like me, who decides to go out of character for that split second for attention, will never go down well. Has that ever happened to you, when you've done something and Karma teaches you a lesson?
I am quite grateful at as it could've been worse. Sure my dignity has gone out the window and I am now constantly going to be nervous getting into my lift in my apartment building, however whats done is done, hopefully one day we can all laugh about it and get along.
So as advice from me, BE NICE TO EVERYONE. Not shitting you, as Bob Marley has quoted: Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold."
Don't do something just for attention, or to make someone laugh, by putting people down, you're better than that. Seriously...

Enjoy
Tam xx

Does travelling change you?

I was sitting in a cafe in Cairns with my little brother and my dad a few weeks ago. Our mouths had dropped to the floor as we shockingly couldn't believe what our dad had just told us.
My brother and I live together with my best friend, and every few months we will visit dad, go to Brisbane to where he lives and spend time with him but this time we decided to spend Christmas with each other up in Cairns.
*Conversations a few months back on the phone
Dad: I have so much to tell you about my trip.
Me: Well just tell me now
Dad: This will have to wait when I see you and Rolf in person.

I didn't know then that his story would be causing me to nearly choke on my wine whilst nearly falling backwards from my chair and causing a scene.
The type of person my dad is, is a typical European man. That's a bit of a broad statement. Let me rephrase. My dad does not get out much. Why? Because he is a work-a-holic. He works day in and day out, even on Sundays. When his mother had recently had a mini stroke, it triggered him to go and visit her in Munich. I was more than happy for him to travel, I was over- the moon for him but seeing his mother and spending two weeks with her, I was a little worried it would give him a mini stroke but nether the less, he went for 2 weeks and it had literally changed him.

As my brother and I got to the airport in Cairns, we see our father from a far. As soon as he saw us, he got up from his seat, not walked but RAN up to us and gave us the most biggest hug in the world. Was not expecting that.

I bet your waiting to hear what the story was? Well remember how I told you, that if my dad went to Munich to visit his mother, it would probably cause him to go a little crazy? Let's just say, because of this he spent the days with her and the nights he would venture out on his own.

It was during Oktoberfest my dad was travelling. I was so proud to hear he was going out and meeting people (which my dad never does.) I would be flicking through photos and each photo he had a story of each individual or couple, young or old- and each story he would get more excited and happy about, I could hear it in his voice.
His second last night, was like a wake up call or triggered something in him. As my dad was dancing up on the tables (take a moment to picture a 55year old man dancing on a table in front of 100s of people) he must've twisted weirdly he said and all of the sudden he had fallen on the floor and in the process completely punched a girl in the face. The lady started yelling at him: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT, I AM GOING TO TELL THE POLICE." Next minute my dad is "arrested" by these guards, hand cuffed and taken to the police station. He said he had never lost his temper so much in his life. From 8pm till midnight they kept him in. "I had said some pretty horrific stuff." "I want a lawyer, you can't lock me up, I haven't been drinking much."
Apparently, in Europe, you can get so called arrested for being drunk and disordelly but their a different type of police, more like security, therefore you can't get release off bail or get a lawyer.
Now before you all go judging, my dad would never hurt a fly!! He doesn't beat up women or anything. But this night, or infact this incident and trip had changed him.

As much as he had a shocking night, it was dangerous, thrilling, exciting and out of his comfort zone. He realised for so many years how uptight and tunnel-visioned he got from work. My dad and I were never close when I was growing up but I am finding that I am becoming closer to him now than ever.
I believe travelling changed him. Made him appreciate what he has at home and realised that he was refreshed, needed a new start and was more inspired to do stuff out of the ordinary.
Don't believe me?
I called my dad the other day and he answered the phone with: "Hello my favourite daughter."
Me: Oh.. umm hi dad.. what are you doing?
Dad: I am just in the middle of kickboxing, can I call you back?

EXAMPLE B:
Dad: So I met a lady on the plane today.
Me: Serious! Wow that's so exciting dad, did you get her number?
Dad: I did, I want to take her on a date, not sure where though

I believe travelling does change you. I used to not have a relationship with my dad, in-fact, it was only 2 years ago we slowly started to connect, due to different reasons. Now I can admit for the first time how much i appreciate and love my dad. I am not trying to say you should force your parents to travel, visit strip joints, smoke weed and go nuts and YOLO it up.
I am merely saying this: If you have been wanting to do something for a while and you've always had an excuse, or have been afraid, just take that step and do it. Sometimes the answer is in front of you, but we are blinded by the ritual of everyday life. Work, Social life, Work... work.. So just get out there and do something out of the ordinary. It could bring out something in you, you didn't think you had.

Tam xx

My last blog for 2013

Bring on 2014

 

I have been pondering about my next blog for a good couple of days. It's the end of 2013. I even had Stewy", my boss ask me: "So when's the next blog due and what is it going to be about?" (as i write the blogs for the gym I work for) I responded: 'Oh too many ideas and thoughts, I don't know what to pick."
LIES- I was having a bloggers BLANK.

 

The 31st of December and unfortunately I am going to be the 1 MILLIONTH person who will say: "Wow where has this year gone?" There I said it. Every friken bloody person I speak to has said: 'I can't believe how fast this year has gone, where did it go?' I have wanted to throw a shoe at each person who has said that, or put a dollar in a jar for every time someone had said that to me. Now I am being a hypocrite as I am sitting at Box HQ front desk, struggling what to blog about for the last day of 2013, and THAT is all I can come up with.
As I slowly face reality, at 6:37am, watching everyone dawdle in to do their last EVER workout for 2013, I seriously take a moment and think back on the year I have had and by a moment, it was a good solid 5minutes before i  realised I was staring at a member very awkwardly.

I think back to what I was thinking or where I was for the last 3 years. I dare you to try it. What were you doing this time last year, or the year before that, even go back further. Can you remember? Sadly my memory is a bit blurred, but I thought, wouldn't it be interesting, If I could find any documented diary entries, a few years ago and see what I had been doing and If I had written any New Years Resolutions.
I found a few of my old diaries dating back to 2011. Yes I am openly admitting I write very regularly in my diary. It is very therapeutic, helps with my crazy thoughts but has also given me a passion for writing and blogging. Today is your lucky day, as I am going to show you raw images of some of the diary entries I did at the end of each year.
I decided to do this, as I was watching Channel 7 morning show and they had a segment of the typical 'New Years Resolution' that most people have.

• Lose weight
• Find Love
• Be Happy
• Career Change
• Make money
• Make babies
• Don't make babies
• Quit Smoking

They stated or argued that, those who have similar goals and New years Resolutions, don't in-fact end up sticking to them or even remembering them. Now before you chuck a hissy fit and decide 'Well what's the point on having a goal if you don't stick to it.?' Very good point you make and let me give you the answer. Rather than having such a wide, typical goal, the trick is to be more specific. An example is, one of my goals are to focus on natural remedies (yoga and meditation) and get off any medication I am on. Yep deep and very specific but that's what you want to channel. Another corny yet so beneficial and inspiring way of reaching your goals, is a vision board. I read a fantastic book recently called 'The Winner's Bible' By Dr Kerry Spackman- highly recommend it! So useful. It teaches you how to become elite athletes and business people to permanently rewire your brain and transform your life. It shows you how to mind map and how to create your very own vision board as well as teaching you human behaviours, why we do things the way we do, based on our pasts, family history by how we have been brought up.

Anyway I don't always have much time to read, but that was one book that taught me so much about how important it is for me to visualise my goals. I learnt so much about myself, how I am a visual learner, (everyone has a way of learning or picking up information) how to supercharge myself, through hard times and being able to recognise the people I wanted to surround myself with who that brought the best out of me. One of the places or community that did this was this gym- Box HQ.

 

 

I wanted my last blog to really be raw and truthful. I wanted to let you into my life, in hope I have somewhat touched you, or mdee you re-visit a part of you, that you may have avoided or thought there is something you really wanted to work on next year but you didn't know how or where to start- or you just simply needed a sign.
Whether 2013, was a good year or not, or there were moments in it, where you wished you approached a situation differently, or you never got to do the things you've always wanted to do. This is me telling you NOW at 6:50am to let everything that has happened this year, GO- to accept how this year has ended for you, to be grateful, content and also proud of how far you have come this year. Now simply ask yourself: What will 2014, bring for you?

 

I cringe when people say- "2013 is my YEAR." true BUT shouldn't every year be YOUR year? Or should you aim higher? Do you look back on each year and say: 'Yeah that was my year.' I personally try to look at each year, as being better than the year before. Whether I do that or not, is up to you to decide when you see below my little diary entries I did, or goals I reached for.
This is my last diary entry for 2013. I cannot wait, to see what 2014 brings for me and for Box HQ :)

 

I wish you all an amazing NYE, love you all to bits.

   BOX OUT
   Tam xx

Natasha Darling's Story.

Natasha Darling's Story.

It was about two weeks ago, I was hanging out with a close friend of mine and we started talking about meditation. I had been specifically told by my massage therapist that I really should get into meditation because he could sense that I was the type of person who had a lot on my mind and was constantly running around doing a million and one things.  I would then come home and try to go to sleep and it would take me HOURS to get to bed. My friend would also tell me that he believed that natural remedy is the best form of medicine and it can cure sickness, anxiety, stress and anyone who has a busy hectic lifestyle, with sleeping problems, such as myself.
I kept thinking to myself; "Yeah yeah, I've heard it all before and I honestly thought it was a load of bulls****." I kept brushing it off.. UNTIL I was on set for Australia's Got Talent, Tommy Franklin's video clip and I met Natasha Darling.
Before you guys read this interview I did on her, I just have to point out that everything that I had spoken about meditation with my friend and my massage therapist, to then meeting someone who had battled a disease and survived BECAUSE of meditation, truly says to me that the universe had brought me to someone like her. It is amazing how people cross paths in our lives, how there is a purpose behind everything and how we connect the dots to give us answers to things we have been searching for, or even that significant sign that is telling us something. I have now seen it all. I really hope you enjoy this story because it brought tears to my eyes.
Love Tam xx


I met this amazing woman on the Tommy Franklin shoot. I really wanted to share her story to you all as she is one of few people who have lived to tell a miracle of a story.
Natasha is a spiritualist, an artist, dreamer and a creator. She pulls off short pink hair, her fashion represents a raw individual chick who rocks out crystal jewellery that she wears close to her heart which symbolises a positive aura that you sense as soon as you meet her. This year she went on a rollercoaster of a journey, with an illness she had to battle. She survived this, through the power of meditation and the power of her mind. Here is her story.

Tam: Tell us your career journey you have gone through, what are you passions and dreams.

Natasha: I guess I have always been very creative and kind of fell into fashion originally. I worked as a Stylist and it naturally eventuated into also working as a Creative Director on editorials and other projects. I have many passions but communicating creative concepts in visual ways is always really satisfying.  I quit fashion 2 years ago with the intention to be a painter/artist. I felt after doing fashion overseas and here I had reached a point where I felt I was complete in that arena and wanted to explore some of my own ideas for my own personal projects.  That's the thing about art, it's very personal and your not trying to sell anything, versus fashion where it's highly creative but it's a form of advertising which is totally fine, though I wanted to bare my self and truly express my own point of view.

Tam: Was there challenges faced for you

Natasha: Yes, life is full of challenges and I have always done my best to welcome the wisdom that comes from them. When I did styling it was always obviously a lot of work and the challenge was trying to balance my health with that industry. It is pretty difficult to work in that world and stay balanced, it's so fast paced and intense.  There were obviously many mini challenges along the way but I take pride in finding solutions not dwelling on problems so past is past, I have overcome them and am a better person because of it.

Tam: You recently overcame a near death experience, explain what you went through?

Natasha: Well, I have suffered from an autoimmune disease for some time and beginning of this year I started to get sick with what's called a 'flare' though this one just got completely out of control and I was incredibly sick and was hospitalised.  I was told I could die any time, I had such high inflammation in the body it was very dangerous.  A normal persons CRP rate is under 5, mine in hospital was 148! I was put on steroids to suppress my immune system, though I wholeheartedly practiced meditation to Tibetan music that night and I focused intently on what number I wanted my CRP rate to be, miraculously I was able to bring it down, in 4 days I had brought it down to 20.  Doctors couldn't believe it, they're explanation was the steroids because I had never had them before, though they had never seen someone drop so quickly. After leaving hospital I soon realised my weight was down to a frightening 44kg.  I had barely been able to eat much in a month and was very frail. I had to work with diet, meditation and affirmations to get my system working again. Not before I went down to 36kg though, I then found this diet that truly helped me which was called 'specific carbohydrates diet'. After slowly putting on weight I started to see all my hair fall out, I ended up going fairly bald so I shaved my head and saw it as another part of the journey to overcome. My body had just been through so much I just had to surrender to the higher purpose. I have do e really well recovering but still hiccups along the way, it's a huge thing to come back from so feel it will take time to truly feel like I am out of it, but I trust in the universe, it is obviously a part of my path!

Natasha sitting at 40kg

Tam: what was the hardest part about it

Natasha: I think the hardest part was other people not understanding how hard it is to have a chronic illness, to have to take things in baby steps or much smaller! I feel people I knew saw it from the outside but on the inside it is just so challenging for all those around me. My family and closest friends had to really see me so weak and not my usual self and having people do everything for me wasn't easy either. At one stage reality hit when I couldn't even pick up my own laptop, I was too weak! So I stayed positive but you really mentally get challenged when you are in pain 24/7. I sometimes wonder how I got through it, though we can only do our best and those around us as well!
 
Tam: With everything you went through, how did you know that meditating and the power of the mind would save you?

Natasha: I had nothing to loose really, the doctors told me I would die, I couldn't sleep because if the pain and i guess you just click into survival mode and try it.  I had always done meditation and visualisation when I felt it, so it wasn't completely foreign to me. Though I also wanted to prove to the doctors that I had the power, so much of the time they can make you feel so helpless, so belittled! So I felt I needed to focus and show them I was a unique example of someone who was truly actively involved in the healing process.
 
Tam: I saw the dramatic changes you had on your body with the photos on Instagram, but I also loved how you still looked at it all as a life-changing moment to tell your story to others, has it had a huge impact for other people?

Natasha: I love sharing my story because it brings awareness to autoimmune diseases that so many suffer, I also share it because it shows people the power of self, with focus, persistence and positive thinking, I feel you can achieve anything. It has had a deep impact on people I have told, I get the feeling that they are humbled by how limitless we are as Human Beings. I think we get caught in our worlds and forget our greatness, our possibility, our uniqueness.  Hopefully my story reminds people the power of hope and when applied, miracles can happen!

Look at that transformation- Natasha had set her mind and decided to change her life. WONDER WOMAN

Tam: Did it change your outlook on life? Did you see yourself change?

Natasha: I was always a very spiritual person in many ways, I had suffered from depression when I was younger and when I overcame that I think I had this deeper desire to change the world and help people. Through this experience though it definitely showed me my strength, I had to surrender completely and while it wasn't comfortable, I somehow hung in there, so now I feel more expansive, like I can do even more than I ever imagined. This experience has also allowed me to reach more people, and more people reach me on social media platforms, as I shared all of my journey on Facebook and Instagram. I also see the incredible power of community in any difficult situation, that impacted me a lot!

Tam: Were you always into art? What inspired you to paint

Natasha: I was always an artist yes, I have loved art since I was born but changing from fashion to art was a bit scary, it seemed weird to have a career as an artist but deep down it is what I always dreamed of.  I am inspired by spirituality, my art is about the higher realms and sacred places on earth. I feel I sort of channel them into my works and I have been told my art is very healing. I feel it comes from the energy fields of things I paint. I don't intentionally know what I am painting at the time, though it usually comes after and it all makes sense.

Check out her website: www.natashadarling.com

Tam: How did you meet Tommy Frankin (AGT)

Natasha: I met Tommy in Byron, I had a fairly freshly shaved head and was still a bit fragile after being in bed most of year, it was my second trip to Byron away from home and quite a big deal. My first time dancing in the Beach Hotel, I was still very low energy wise so I danced in a few minute segments. A couple of different people came up to me saying I danced like Tommy, one even said I was a girl version of Tommy lol! I had not watched the show as I was very sick around that time so I actually had no idea who this Tommy fella was?! Later that night I was walking down the stairs out front and I saw a tall bearded man talking to my friends, I slowly made my way there and as I approached, he said 'Your interesting'!!!! I said 'thank you' and introduced myself, he did too and it was quite a funny moment! From then on we really became best friends and Tommy really helped me find myself again. After being a 'sick' person for so long, around Tommy I started to just come out of myself again. It's been a lovely journey ever since.

Tommy and Natasha

Tam: You've just finished a great project you were working on with him and worked with the fashion label One Piece- how did that idea come about?

Natasha: I actually met Tommys good friend Robbie at the Grand Finale of AGT and he was the head producer of the project, we clicked and kept in contact and when I heard about it I offered my experience as producer and Creative Director.  I was excited by the idea of doing film again and I love dance so much, to be surrounded by dancers wearing One Piece, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to be a part of something I had the experience for.  I was so happy to get my best friend of 10 years Jess Hutt on board too, so it felt like one big family.

Tam: What's next?

Natasha: I am writing a book about recovery, I really want to share my story in writing but also through videos and live speaking. I am still perusing my art but I feel this experience can't be wasted, I really want to help those who are going through extreme illness and share many if the tools I had to get through it, including spreading awareness to the diet that helped and continues to help me for people especially with autoimmune diseases!

Tam: What message do you want to send out to the world or people reading this?
Natasha: I really just want to share the message that we are much stronger and powerful than we most of the time realise! The more we love ourselves and stand authentically as who we are, the more we stand in our truth, the deeper we can go and the more people we can connect with. We are truly limitless BEings, when we work together in truth, commUNITY is more powerful than anything! Just love who you are for who you are, embrace YOUR story, everyone's story is valid, everyone is important, the more we share and connect, the more expansive we realise we are. :-)



Love Tam xx