Over the years, I have been to Brasil to visit my family but the last time I went I was when I was 12 years old. I was naive and a little brat. My mum would tell me that her uncle who used to look after me, would say to her: "She is really a troubled child." I just had too much energy for one kid I think of how my mother got through the years of watching me grow up is beyond me.
I remember I used to always write letters to my cousin Betty (when there was no facebook) I absolutely adored her, and when I spent 6weeks in Brasil, i distinctly remember her teaching me the cupping song (WAY before Pitch Perfect had done it) but with a Portugese chant and it was a lot faster. Still to this day I remember that game we played.
Years went by, I kept saying to mum, "We have to go back and visit." So many events had happened that either pushed us back from going or situations in life which made it hard for my mother to go back.
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| My mum and my grandma! |
I remember when her first brother passed away, she told me she had dreamt of him going up to staircase up to a white room and she called out to him and he just turned around and smiled.
She was always strong on dreams, it was weird. When myself and my brother would fight, within seconds she had called my brother when I had stormed off in my room and asked him "What was wrong?" She just sensed something was wrong.
She had always felt unease when her brother died but when she dreamt of him- she could finally get to sleep again.
Another year or two went by and her dad passed away. My grandad. He reminded me so much of my little brother- he had an obsession with drawing and was fantastic at art and he LOVED Spiderman as did my brother. We would just for hours go through his collection of drawings and he would tell us stories for hours while my mum was with my grandma.
My mum never got to say goodbye.
Mum and dad went through a bad divorce which i partly think was the reason why she couldn't bear to go back to Brasil. I think she felt ashamed or couldn't face the family.
It was only a few months ago, my cousin and two of my aunties had been in contact with me on facebook and I just missed them like crazy. More now that I never get to see them and they had also told me about my Uncle, my mums other brother Alexander, he too was really sick and they didn't think he had much time to live.
I look back on everything now. Connecting the dots. So many moments where I could've packed my bags and gone to see them.
It's crazy when bad events happen in your family, it can truly re-connect everyone again. My mum hadn't spoken to her family in years. Maybe she was angry or she was hurt I don't ask, but when my Uncle Alexander was really sick, it brought the family back closer.
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| My Titi Patty and Uncle Alexander |
I wish I could say I was able to fly to Brasil to see my family and spend time with my uncle. Unfortunately he passed away a few days ago.
It triggered something in all of us, even my brother who doesn't remember much of him. It made my mother realise that she has to go back to Brasil soon.
Maybe God had a plan. A plan to take away the burden of my Uncle and the suffering that my mum had over the years that she never got to say goodbye to her dad and brother. To tell her that it wasn't her fault and that they still loved her even if she wasn't with my dad anymore.
Distance does make the heart grow fonder, family is family no matter what. I would hate the day to come, if I ever had hate to anyone in my family over the years and I never had the chance to say goodbye to them.
Mum myself and my brother plan on going to Brasil next year to see everyone. To my whole family in Brasil: I love you all so much. I pray everyday for your well-being and I send my blessings to my Uncle Alexander, who is with God today.
Lastly, to my mum: You are the strongest person I know and i truly look up to you. I will always support you and be there for you. I love you.
Love Tamxx
My Grandma, Tit Patty and my cousin Betty
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