Has anyone found themselves, cursing to God or to the world, one too many times?
Yep I am for one guilty of that. Literally happened about 10 days ago.
I had cracked.
For about 9 weeks since the end of Australia Day, I vowed to stop drinking for 2 months (till April). I went on a new plan, strict counting calories for 9 weeks, WHILST training at the gym 6days a week. I was ready for it, if anything more determined and motivated then last year. I had a Personal Trainer - Jeff, training me 6 days a week, a training partner- Kate and also my mentor- Damien who was there to keep me in line and focused. I know when I put my heart and soul into something, nothing can stop me.
During this period, I was also working (no joke) everyday of the week. I was saving my money for Hawaii, I had old debts to pay, college to pay (which I was also attending 3 times a week), whilst teaching one night a week, going to vocal coach training every Wednesday, doing Nickelodeon shows every so often, attending one-off rehearsals PLUS working at Box HQ.
Funny thing is, I love being busy. Too much- sometimes i purposely kept myself busy and I think it was so I didn't have time to think of other dramas. Every human being has life dramas, some more than others and in the years I have learned to deal with them quite effectively.
First few weeks I was hyped! Kate and I had so much energy because we were excited of our goals, we wanted to work hard, train hard, look good and above all motivate each other with everything.
Slowly in those 9 weeks you could see such a wave of change. I've learned in these 9 weeks that we are not super human. We are HUMAN- I was so eager to do everything in 9 weeks that I was slowly starting to fade away and turn into a emotional mess. I mean who wouldn't? Doing a million things without resting is nearly impossible.
I remember one morning, I was overcoming the flu, I had taken some pre workout stuff, a cold and flu tablet and was at the gym training. Th next thing that happened, i started to completely shake from head to toe, couldn't breathe and I was lying on the ground in fetal position. My body wasn't coping with being sick, stressed and doing too much.
Though on a positive note, I still stuck to my diet, I was capable juggling everything, week 4 and 5 became easy.
Then life dramas happen. In reality, I think everyone has their days. You have your moment of self-doubt, you start questioning yourself of everything and then you get into a complete low mind-set. I was convinced that in the 9 weeks, where I had worked my butt off, I had been exactly where I had started.
It came to one weekend, the week before Hawaii. I had adjudicated for 2 whole weekends. Each day was 10 hour days- I made very good money, I was exhausted yet, extremely happy that I was judging such talented kids in dancing. These little moments gave me a high- pushed me further. I was even listening to a lot of Eric Thomas Motivational Videos. This guy knew his shit. He was homeless for two years and changed his life around and decided to become a public speaker. He said there were nights where he had no sleep, no money, hardly ate, but his goal was there in front of him.
His words is what kept me going to push through all the hardships I had been doing.
People always ask me about my up bringing and what life was like for me as a kid and I am openly honest about it. I hardly had a good up bringing. Life for me as a kid was horrible. Family addictions of gambling, lots of financial problems and still to this day dealing with that. Do I let that bring me down? Sometimes yes- when I have my moments. It is when I have these moments, I know deep down that, that's the moment I need to: REFRESH, RECHARGE and RESTART.
3 days before I leave for Hawaii, my car breaks down and my dad had another relapse. It was the perfect time to go away.
I encourage everyone to seriously, for a week, just disappear. Because we are all human, we need rest. We need time to actually sit back and look at our life and go: 'Ok what do I need to change?'
We become so involved in the world. Social media especially!!! I am shocking for it, because i live by it.
Before I left for Hawaii, my vocal coach told me to truly think what is important for you when you leave. My voice was having it's moments, some days were good- most days, my vocal cords were just sounding off and it all came down to a few simple things. Lifestyle, Rest, Work, Stress.
Being away, I actually SLEPT. Sounds like nothing major, but before in Sydney, I was lucky to have 4-5 hours sleep. In Hawaii, I was having 8-10 hours a day rest.
I was still keeping active, I was enjoying myself and I thought about my life and what I wanted to do. Naturally, I started to feel myself again for once. I didn't have to worry if my meals were prepped, if my bag was packed the night before, If I had studied, invoiced my last 3 jobs I did that week. I was in complete peace.
I believe that travelling does that for you. You find yourself so relaxed, your enjoying the people around you, the culture, the atmosphere, the night sky was beautiful and you could soak up everything around you, without taking life for granted.
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| Free yourself from the world, let yourself go! |
Now I am going to get a little fiery. STOP MAKING EXCUSES TO TREAT YOURSELF. I literally only had $1500 when I went to Hawaii. Because I paid off my debt, college fees, bills and rent just before I left.
I am probably more broke now, but I am feeling like a different person. I don't care that I have to sort out my completely wrecked car that is about to die on me. SHIT HAPPENS, but I am still standing, I am alive and healthy and everything eventually works itself out.
I have about 3 assessments due, a lot of catching up to do at college YET I know I can manage.
I have too many amazing people in my life who are supportive and are there for me.
I am aware life at home is not good, but I have to stay strong and keep moving forward.
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| I would rather own little and see the world than see little of it. |
Take this as a sign please- If your finding yourself:
1.Having random outbursts to strangers.
2. Punching walls for no reason
3. Getting angry at the coffee shop man for forgetting to make your coffee warm and not COLD
4. Forgetting to wear undies
5. Misplacing your keys then finding them in odd spots.
6. Wearing odd socks
7. Having road rage for small mistakes
8. Crying over silly things that you would never cry about.
9. Punching a sibbling
10. Look like you have big fat puffy panda eyes.
Please...
TAKE
A
FRIKEN
VACATION
Reward yourself
Refresh yourself
Recharge your body, fuel it up with whatever you need to do.
Come back, kick open the front door, give life the finger and literally
RESTART.
Love Tam xx
