I was going to meet a director for a role I was being considered in a play. It was a Tuesday night, I had just finished teaching my students. I quickly got ready in the car to then head to Newtown where I was meeting him.
I arrived at the venue of the theatre, (I was early) and by now it was about 9:15pm. I met him at 9:30pm where we waited for the other actors to come. In that time we were waiting for the other actors, I started getting a grasp of what type of person he was, or He/she was, for that matter. He was a cross-dresser. I have nothing against cross-dressers, but I believe by that he was already an interesting character. It felt like we had listened to him speak for a good hour about his life experience, his views on life and how a few years ago he had met Nelson Mandela. To this day I still don't know if this is true, but I will go back to that point in just a sec.
By 10:45pm, (YES ON A SCHOOL NIGHT) we had finally gone to a bar, to chat about the play, I was exhausted at this point, and I was starting to get a really weird vibe from the director and how he spoke only about him and who he's met, and who he knows in the industry and how HE has a name out there.. bla bla bla. At that point I didn't care. One thing that struck a cord to me, was that he said. "If you want to be an actor, then your priorities come second. The only reason you should ever miss a rehearsal, is if it's a funeral.. your funeral."
He kept asking me, how passionate am I as an actor. "What would you do to be an actor?" At that point I felt like saying, well I've come here to listen to you go on about gob smack all, but i smiled politely and said 'anything.'
...moment of thought
I said anything?
Would I really do anything for my passion? I began to question my answer.
I went home that night feeling so weird. I just met a director, whos a cross-dresser, who met Nelson Mandela, who talks a lot about himself, who thought I was brilliant, but also asked if I was really passionate about my career? I added him on Facebook to suss him out.
The next few days, we were all getting texts about rehearsal days and how they were compulsory due to the time limit we had and of course they all fell into night time, during when I mostly work. Before I signed up to doing the role, the director had mentioned rehearsals would be in the day, hence why I signed up.
I texted back saying the days I couldn't do and then all hell let loose.
Long story cut short, he abused me in messages and ALSO abused me on Facebook. Which brings me to my story of him being a fruit loop, highly unprofessional and I am almost certain he was a compulsive liar.
I was worried however, I started to doubt myself and my love to the industry as a dancer and as an actor. He claimed that I wasn't a true professional actor, that I didn't bend over backwards for my love for the arts and that I would never be working again in this industry. Thank God, I spoke to my acting teacher and he made me realise that people like him, who share the world everything he "claims" he does and puts people down on Facebook and talks about nothing other than himself are people who aren't all there. Still do I pick my priority over my passion? Luckily that day, I was speaking to a good friend on the phone and the advice he gave me was: "The best thing for you to do, is to survive." "Every famous actor, had to live and put food on the table and pay for rent." "When you are hungry for your passion you will do whatever it takes to make it, BUT you have to live as well."
I thought of all the times, I had sweated blood for my career, cried so many tears, gone and changed my look, missed work for an audition, paid so much money for courses, worked a million and one jobs for the love I have for what I do. DO i regret it at all? Absolutely NOT. I wouldn't be the person I am today If i didn't give it my all and failed 10 x to only become the better performer I am today.
I've encountered and met so many people that have pushed me to continue everything I do now.
I know that priority for me is important, but my priority IS my passion. I do everything now, for my passion.
I teach kids every Tuesday night- for my passion- to give them advice and help them with their love for dance.
I go to my singing lessons every Wednesday night- for my passion.
I work 3 jobs nearly 7 days a week- FOR my passion
I go to the gym and put myself through mega hard diets- FOR my passion
I am doing PT - for my passion
The list will go on. Back to my question of doing anything for my career. I would rather be the person who would work so hard for what I have always dreamed of having. I have never had everything handed to me on a plate, so I know when that big break does come, it'll be worth all the years of struggle and pain I have gone through- for that feeling of achieving something so great. Being a winner, a success and an inspiration.
To the director that has put me down on the net, at the end of the day, I don't want to reflect anything you have said about me, or the actions you have undergone to talking about someone in the abusive way you have done. I will be the bigger person and let it be as what it is, but for everyone else out there who has ever not felt right about a situation, or questioned an opportunity that has come along and it hadn't felt right, listen to that little voice in your head, chances are, you will know whether or not it is the right thing for you. Maybe not right now, but somewhere down the track an even GREATER opportunity will come for you. Just keep thinking of the big picture and don't stop chasing your dream. Happiness is more important and money can't buy happiness.
Tamxx
